I love taking my family to the cinema. At the end of last year we were on such a trip when a trailer was shown for the new film Instant Family. You can watch the trailer here.
It became the movie I most wanted to see. I was excited to learn that the director Sean Anders had himself adopted three children from foster care. I hoped that someone with personal experience of adoption might be able to offer a more realistic portrayal of what it means to foster or adopt. The movie did not disappoint.
In fact, I would go so far as to say that this is the first time I have truly felt represented as a foster-adopt parent within the mainstream film industry. Until now, the best portrayal of an adoptive parent has for me been Nicole Kidman’s character in Lion. Beautifully acted and well worth watching but hardly a typical story of adoption. And whilst I do love the feel good movie The Blind Side, I suspect that few of us can really identify with a women who takes in a neglected and abused teenager and experiences so few issues in do so.
Adoptive parents are usually side characters to films that really are about telling the child’s story. Instant Family on the other hand places the parent at the centre of the story line and makes them the focus. I found this refreshing.
If I were to describe this movie in one word, it would be ‘real’. In fact it is so real that it reduced me to tears of both sadness and laughter on numerous occasion. As I sat there with my wife and children there were constant looks between us as the story depicted on screen mirrored the story we have lived together for the past 10 years.
The rawness and honesty is captured beautifully. This is not a politically correct movie. Thoughts are shared by the adoptive parents that are so truthful they make uncomfortable viewing at times. For instance their concern over what other people will think if they were to send the children back, their fears that they aren’t the right parents to deal with such behavioural challenges, their feelings around the birth mum and their comparison of fostering to renovating a house.
On that note, this is not a film that I would encourage you to take children to. At least not until you have viewed it yourself. My children are 18 and 21yrs and are in a much more stable place to view a film such as this. They found it very true to life, honouring of their experiences, normalising and hilariously funny. It’s worth knowing that it does contain a lot of swearing and discussions of a sexual nature, specifically around the teenage girl sexting nude photos to an adult male. Also, any film with adoption as such a central topic has the potential to be triggering.
So, if you have fostered or adopted, or if you are thinking of doing so then I strongly recommend watching this film. It’s also great for recommending to your friends and family if you think they might benefit from understanding your situation a little better – I wonder what they will think when they see ‘Grandma’ completely charmed and manipulated by the kids?!
And if you have watched the film please do comment below and let me know what you think.
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