This month is focused on the topic of trauma.  I started by considering what trauma is and then last week I wrote about the diagnosis of ‘developmental trauma‘.  Today I’d like to think about ways that we can respond to trauma that promote healing.

Trauma is by definition difficult to overcome.  It threatens our sense of life as we know it.  But it doesn’t have to be entirely negative.  I believe that from great difficulties can come great opportunities for growth.

I’m not talking about developing ‘silver lining’ attitudes.  I personally do not subscribe to the idea of ‘positive thinking’.  I think it’s usually false and often a way to avoid dealing with our negative thoughts, feelings and experiences.

Neither do I think it’s helpful to dwell on the factors of an experience that are difficult.  Reliving the trauma does not release us from it’s impact.

For me, working with trauma involves approaching it from a perspective that sees it for what it is/was.  I aim to understand my experiences and embrace every part of it that is real.  The good, the bad and the really ugly.  I don’t find this possible to do during the trauma (because my brain is in survival mode) but it is part of the process of healing for me afterwards.  Instead of staying stuck in the negative, or trying to put a positive spin on the situation, I aim instead for honouring my experience as a whole by being truthful with myself about what I have gone through.

It’s not always easy to find something positive but I do think it can be an important part of releasing the hold that trauma can have over your life long after the traumatic event has stopped.

Here are 5 questions I use as a therapist.  

Are You Alive?

This might seem like the most pointless question in the world, however it is the one that seems to make the biggest difference to my therapy clients.  Trauma is so incredibly scary that many people don’t truly recognise that they have survived it.  When clients tell me their stories I often ask them ‘so, what happened in the end?’.  Usually they don’t have an answer, most are confused by my question.  So I suggest an ending for their story, something like ‘and then it stopped and I was safe again’.

When we allow ourselves to understand that our trauma situation has ended, it places that experience in our past.  It helps us to understand that we are safe now.  Our trauma may still effect us but we are no longer at risk.  It is only with that sense of safety that we might begin to work towards healing the emotional, cognitive, behavioural and physiological effects of what happened to us.

Why Are You Here Today?

If we accept that we survived then we can consider what it is that bought about our survival.  This will likely be a multitude of factors.  It may be that someone came to your rescue.  It maybe that you managed to escape.  It may be that you were able to prevent the situation from becoming worse. It may be that you have a lot of inner resilience.

Often those who have experienced trauma focus on what they couldn’t do or what they feel they did wrong.  They might come to believe that it is not just that experience that was unsafe but the world in general.  They might feel anxiety of being in a similar situation again.  This is understandable but I would encourage them to consider what they did right that enabled them to survive what happened.

What Has Your Trauma Taught You?

I believe that every experience in life is a chance to learn and to grow.  There are always lessons that we can take.  Maybe you are capable of surviving more than you thought you were.  Maybe you have a friend that is more supportive than you once imagined.  Maybe you have come to understand that you deserve more respect from those around you. Maybe there’s a way to avoid such a trauma in the future or a way to repair what happened.

How Do You Want Trauma To Impact You?

Whatever has happened has happened.  It was likely out of your control.  You are however in control now about how it impacts your future.  You do not have to stay stuck in the trauma.  It is over.  You can move beyond it, heal from it and use it in a way to enhance the future of yourself and/or others.

This does not usually come from ignoring it.  As trauma is so difficult, it is understandable that you may wish to try to put it in the past and get on with life.  You may be successful in doing this in the short term but trauma needs to be processed before it can be overcome.  

How Will You Overcome Your Difficulties?

Making a decision to work through trauma instead of trying to ignore it, allows us to take a much more positive approach to the difficulties themselves.

Firstly, we can understand that it is possible for us to overcome them.  We might have to live with some effects (for instance if we received a physical injury) but we can come to relate to this differently.  It doesn’t need to hold us back.  Many very inspiring people have impacted this world because of difficulties they have experienced.

Secondly, we have options for healing.  The option that is best for you will depend on your own individual circumstances.  The main point is though that you are in control of choosing the best option for you. 

How you are feeling now doesn’t have to be your long term experience.  The situation you’ve experienced will determine the best way for you to begin to work through it.  It will come as no surprise that I recommend that most people get professional support to do so.

 

So, how does asking positive questions about trauma feel for you?

Is there anything else that you feel is helpful?