As I write today’s blog, the UK is gripped in debate around the potential return of Shamima Begum to our country.
Shamima left for Syria in 2015 aged just 15yrs old. Having been radicalised in the UK, she joined IS and was married within 10 days of her arrival. She has since had three children. The older two have died and the third was born in a refugee camp. Now aged 19yrs she seeks a return to the UK but retains IS ideology.
There is much speculation and media attention regarding her exact involvement in terrorist activity and an official order has been made by the home secretary to strip her of her British citizenship. This is likely to be appealed by Shamima and many feel that that appeal will be successful as it has no legal precedent.
This whole situation is incredibly sad and worrying. There is much that could be said about the topic but I would like to use this blog to focus on the issue of how we understand age and responsibility in the UK.
Age & Responsibility in the UK.
Over the last week I have read with interest some of the comments made about Shamima from both the media and the general public. Whilst there is an agreement from all that safety is a priority in this situation, other comments tend to fall into one of two camps. Some people proclaim that she is a traumatised child who has been the victim of radicalisation and see this as an opportunity to learn, show compassion and seek healing. Others view her as having been old enough to make her choices and believe that she should now have to suffer the consequences of her actions, which is either no longer being welcome in the UK or returning to face the UK legal system and being suitably punished. I won’t hide that I personally fall into the first of those two categories.
A lot of the debate I’ve seen reminds me of debates I was having more than 25 years ago when the nation was gripped in discussions about another story making the headlines. It was 1993 and the nation was shocked and appalled by the abduction, torture and murder of two year old James Bulger at the hands of 10 year olds boys Robert Thomson and Jon Venables.
There was much discussion about the cause of this crime and how it should be dealt with. Our media went to town. The story dominated news coverage and public discussion for months. I remember this clearly. I was at the time the same age as the boys in question. Consequently much of the conversation around me consisted of people telling me that I was old enough to know right from wrong and would never commit such a horrid offence. Therefore, they argued, the boys should face the consequences and be punished for their actions.
And I agreed. After all, I was a ten year old and had no thoughts at all about abducting, torturing and murdering another child. If I could make good choices and know right from wrong then they could too. So, I watched those boys face an adult court room, learnt their names when anonymity was legally removed, and saw them sentenced to indefinite incarceration. I shook my head every time it was suggested they might be released or learned that they had tv’s in their cells. When they were in 2001 I felt it was too soon and that they would re-offend in some way, sadly this came true in 2010 when Jon returned to prison on child pornography charges.
A Different Perspective.
Twenty five years on, my experience of working within fostering and adoption and my psychological learning leads me to have a different response.
I was the same age as those boys but I was not the same as them. I had enough love and safety in my life to make better life choices. Without that love and safety, who knows where my life would have led me. Who knows what any of us are capable of under different circumstances?
In 1994 there was a prevailing view within the media that these boys were born evil and locking them away was our only response. The developments in neuroscience in the time seen make this stance defenceless. Children are not born evil. They simple are not. When children behave in unsafe and unloving ways it is because of a lack of safety and love in their own lives. It’s because they have not found belonging within relationships with adults capable of giving them what they need. That is the basis of my 3B’s therapeutic parenting and psychotherapy model.
Does this mean we don’t address the behaviour? Absolutely not. But it means that we address it with a greater awareness of the reasons behind that behaviour. We also understand that to change that behaviour we have to create the safety and love that was missing. The foundation of our response must be ‘you belong, you are safe and you are worthy of love’.
It also means that we reflect on our own behaviour as much as we do our children’s. Instead of blaming a 15yr old for being radicalised, we consider what it is about our society that allowed this to happen. We reflect, we grow, we learn and then we take responsibility for ensuring it doesn’t happen again.
In 1994, in the country of Norway, 5yr old Silje Marie Redergård was brutally murdered by two of her peers. The response to those two boys was very different to the way we handled Jon and Thomas. The names of those children were never revealed. They were not sent to jail but instead were allowed to remain living with their parents and attend school. They were given psychological evaluations followed by therapeutic involvement for the boys, their families and the wider community. Neither of those children have re-offended although one of them is reportedly struggling psychologically with the guilt from his actions. The community has reportedly forgiven and forgotten. The parents of the murdered child, understandably forever grieving, have never sought to criminalise the boys responsible.
Beyond anything else, children need to know they belong. If we wish to see them change, stripping them of their citizenship or locking them away simply won’t work. We need to do the opposite. We need to respond from a position of love and offer them the safety they need.
If we can’t behave in this way, then we can’t expect them to.
Please share your thoughts below.
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